Hi, everybody. For those of you who don’t know, Mind Your Health is all about really getting your mind and body connected, and taking full responsibility for your autoimmune condition. Today I want to talk to you about health as a state of being.
I used to think that my autoimmunity and its symptoms were due to a specific cause that produced specific results. As a scientific and highly analytical person, I wanted black and white answers to my problems so I could figure them out along the way. I remember feeling so frustrated because of relentless symptoms that just wouldn’t go away. It is even more frustrating as the doctors kept shrugging their shoulders, not knowing exactly how to treat my symptoms. The rashes, fatigue, joint pain, and hair loss were all things that affected the quality of my life. It was visible to everyone and it was something that I couldn’t hide.
All of this happened at a prime time of my life in my mid-twenties. Never did I consider the identity I held for myself as the culprit of my autoimmunity until I became a mom and a wife. Through my expanded roles, I learned just how flawed my conditioning, thinking, and beliefs were.
Criticism and Self-Worth
I always felt like I was never good enough because my mom would constantly criticize everything about me. But back then I didn’t know exactly how these criticisms were affecting me. I thought I was worthless because of those criticisms. That I was a broken person. And I became one of those people that would always prove their self-worth. People who do things for the sake of others, as opposed to being who they are and accepting themselves. So I believed the further I could get away from myself, the better it was going to be because I hated being me. And that was the problem.
I was criticized for the way I dressed, looked, and kept up with my room. The way I did just about everything was criticized because I was never good enough. I was rarely complimented and I remember my mom telling me how nobody else would tell me the hard truth. So I was taught to ignore the compliments and focus on what can be improved. And so my mom never gave me compliments, no matter how much I achieved. She would focus on what the next level would be. Even focusing on criticizing the very thing that I did, and continuing to set the bar higher, as a typical Asian parent would do.
Insecurities and Constant Need of Approval
I didn’t know that this criticism was a result of all her insecurities. I’m sure that my mom loves me and I have no doubt about that. Criticizing me was just her way of dealing with her own insecurities. In fact, the way she grew up was exactly like that as well. Compliments were not generously given. We were never told that you can do anything. We were always toned down and made sure that our ego and confidence didn’t get out of control. That’s the approach that my parents took.
So when I was rearing my own kids, I constantly needed approval. I wanted approval from my mom as a mom myself. That’s when I realized what a puppet I had become. I really felt like I needed to change some things because this constant need for approval was making me insecure about myself. I didn’t like that feeling because I was so dependent on her approval. She had so much power over my life. The way she tried to control and live vicariously through me was something I thought was completely normal because she was not satisfied with her own life. The truth is that she was not happy with my dad. I have three other siblings and I was the model child who did pretty much everything that she wanted me to do.
But as my kids grew older and I went through a divorce, I realized just how much my mom had power over my decisions. The shame, guilt, and manipulation that was used to really coarse me into adapting what she believed was something that I really needed to get away from. I was resentful of those tendencies only later in life. I had no idea this was my blind side.
The Power Within You
That’s when I learned that everything was just a story that I created in my head. This included the things that I believed about my mom and the interpretations I held about myself, as well as her. So it’s really not her fault. It was just her way of loving me, and it was my own choice to think and believe what my reality would be. So when that revelation hit me to realize that the power was within me, I recognized that it doesn’t matter what other people do, say, or try to influence me. If I let them, then that’s on me. It has nothing to do with them.
But yet I was the one who didn’t step into my own power to set the proper boundaries. That came from a place of deep-seated insecurity. I know that most of you reading this blog right now are recognizing that too. You lack self-worth and self-confidence. In fact, you lack them so much that you live in self-betrayal. You have this need to please other people to make them happy, and really completely betray yourselves. I know how that is because I was that person as well.
But through relentless work and self-growth, I was able to finally see how I was perpetuating my own sickness and suffering. I share this with you because too often, many of you hold onto your beliefs about yourself. Beliefs that keep you limited and sick. The very identity you hold for yourself is the problem, and you must fix that before you begin your healing.
Stop DOing and Start BEing
When we are diagnosed with autoimmunity, we all focus on the symptoms of our disease and want so desperately to get rid of those symptoms. Remember, many of you have overlapping symptoms and diseases secondary to the medications, secondary to hormone disruptions, inflammation, and all the things. One autoimmune condition can lead to another autoimmune condition. The auto-immunity can even result in hormonal imbalances to affect your metabolic processes as well.
Yet, we get so busy looking outside of ourselves to fix what’s internally wrong. That is a broken strategy because physical symptoms arise from our minds. There is a psychosomatic effect. We get sick when we aren’t connected with our own bodies. So it’s time to really pay attention. House and own our bodies, and take responsibility. Rather than expecting our bodies to do what it does, autoimmunity forces us to bring awareness to just how much we’ve neglected our body and mind.
I know for me, in the name of health and wellness, there was deprivation and self-abuse with exercise, food, and conversations I was having with myself. I was not kind to myself at all. Because in my head, I was always constantly berating myself, having negativity, and criticizing myself. I was really abusing myself with too much exercise or depriving myself of food to look a certain way.
I would constantly do that only to feel good to change my state of being. But remember, health is a state of being, not a state of doing. You can’t really gain health by doing all the things. So it’s no wonder I got so sick. Things can be masked when you’re single and only responsible for yourself. But as you grow in responsibility with kids, spouse, career, and more, you come to realize that self-betrayal and self-abuse no longer work. You must learn that health is a state of being, and healthy is an identity. And many of you have blind spots that keep you from getting to the root of the issue.
Begin Changing Your Identity
Remember that your foundation is much more important compared to everything else you may do in your efforts to heal. So I encourage you to stop doing all the things and truly focus on being a healthier version of yourself, which requires you to change your identity. Your subconscious tendencies are the foundation that’s driving your life without your awareness. The real work is in subconscious reprogramming to shift your identity and to gain clarity and focus on exactly what health looks like for you.
Just as we need a blueprint to build a strong home, we need a map and a vision to know exactly where we’re headed. Without this vision, you’ll be like a ship without a rudder, just going here and there aimlessly. So I need you to have a very clear picture of what health looks like for you. What are you doing? How much do you weigh? How do you feel? You have to feel and think like the healthiest version of yourself, right NOW, despite what your current reality might look like.
So do you want to learn how you can transform your life and begin to heal in a real way? Click here to watch my free workshop, where I discuss further about how Health is a State of Being. I want you to really get ready to change your life and your health.
You can also follow me on Instagram. I’d love to see you there. DM me. I’m constantly trying to improve and engage with you more and more. It helps us to reach more people and you are going to be helping and sharing the information with those that need to think outside the box to truly heal themselves.
Talk to you soon!