It’s been 6 months since I was hospitalized with a mysterious ailment that was thought to be due to Lupus.
What began as a classic Lupus flare became something else entirely. I almost lost my life due to failing bone marrow, and my family was prepared for the worst.
But here I am, healthier than ever before.
We learned that it was never Lupus. It was Plaquenil toxicity which shut down my bone marrow.
Digesting Our Emotions is Necessary for Optimal Health
Few weeks prior to this flare, I had a blow out with my mom. I’ve always been a good daughter, trying to please my mom as best I could.
I’ve always been conflicted about my mom due to painful experiences since childhood.
When I married and became a mom myself, lots came up for me. There was so much resentment, blame, and anger toward my mom that I couldn’t explain.
Everything got worse before it got better. Few weeks before getting sick, I had a huge argument with my mom after lashing out at her about how she spoke to my kids.
Memories of the past and unresolved feelings surfaced in ways that caused me to impulsively tell my mom exactly how I felt.
I’ve always been good about filtering my feelings and only saying things that are polite. I realized I’ve gotten good at repressing my feelings all my life.
While it was liberating to scream and let out my thoughts to my mom, I knew that it hurt my mom.
It was my mom’s response to my behavior that hurt me the most.
She practically disowned me.
She didn’t take my apology calls. We missed mother’s day celebration, as she hung up on me every time I tried to call.
I was beside myself, as this threat of withdrawing love was my mom’s ammunition against me all my life, or so I thought.
Days before getting admitted, I called her in desperation because I knew I was getting sicker and sicker. This sickness was so much more than Lupus.
My spouse told me that he too felt my negative emotions were causing my physical symptoms. He saw me deteriorate until I was so sick.
Ironically, my mom had to rush over to my home to help me with my kids when I headed to the emergency room. Ultimately I ended up staying in the hospital for 10 days.
Emotions Can Create Vibrations in the Body to Cause Unease
My mom’s always had a significant impact in my life. She influenced my behavior, decisions, and just about everything I did. She was my mommy dearest.
I believe she had a deep void in her life to create such a manipulating relationship with me.
Regardless of my mom’s reasons, I realized my thoughts and feelings were my responsibility.
I can’t change my mom’s disposition, I can only change the thoughts, feelings, actions, and results I was creating for myself.
I had such negative thoughts about my mom, but I learned to change these thoughts.
Through this painful experience, I was able to realize that the thoughts I had about my mom were the thoughts I was choosing to have about her.
I didn’t have to have negative thoughts about her. I changed my mind about her and began to be understanding toward her. This allowed me to create space for her to fully be herself.
Then and only then was I able to draw healthy boundaries for myself around her.
Your Thoughts Affect Your Flares
I’m not new to flares, but I have to say they get easier and easier. When I was first diagnosed, the turmoil of emotions and fear was overwhelming.
Even though the flares have gotten more serious over the years, the experience of being sick and my thoughts around the disease are much more tolerable.
Flares will happen, but I feel too often that Doctors tend to blame Lupus for all our symptoms. Because it’s an underlying wild card with all our symptoms, there may be a tendency to attribute our symptoms to Lupus.
While living with Lupus is challenging, I personally feel that I’m much more health conscious than ever before because of Lupus.
My obsession with health has allowed me to live a healthier life.
I used to feel limited by Lupus. But once I changed the thoughts I had from fear based thinking to opportunistic thinking, I’ve been able to live a productive life.
If you’re new to Lupus, know that it does get easier.
Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life with Lupus
I truly believe my healing began only when my thoughts, beliefs, and emotions about Lupus changed.
I went from thinking Lupus is an incurable disease to Lupus is an opportunity to be healthier.
This simple shift allowed me to change the feelings I had about Lupus from fear to confidence. This confidence triggered me to become more proactive instead of passive, and I’ve created the life that I want to live vs living the default life Lupus provides.
I hope this was encouraging to you. No matter where you are in your health journey, allow yourself space to feel the feelings and digest those emotions deeply.
Feelings are a natural part of the human experience. We don’t always have to be happy or joyful. We need to feel the pain and suffering to find happiness.
Life provides us a taste of the dichotomy. Good-bad, sweet-salty, hot-cold, yin-yang, sun-moon, acid-alkaline. We need both to survive.
Did you know that you have the opportunity to work with me for a full year to change the course of your life from sickness to health?
I call it the Lupus Health Revolution. This is where we teach you how to live the solution, where the rubber meets the road.
The journey towards wellness can be hard alone, especially for Lupus patients.
In this program, I provide my knowledge, guidance, and experience to bridge the gap between sick care and healthcare.
Because things take time, it’s a way to work on you and invest in getting your life back.
You’ll be so glad you chose yourself.
Before you commit, register for a free webinar on 3 secrets to thriving with Lupus. Click here to register.
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