Keeping It Real – Marriage Struggles and Autoimmunity

by | Jul 30, 2021 | Lupus Blog | 0 comments

Hello everyone. Welcome to our Mind Your Health Show blog. This is all about living successfully with autoimmunity. If you’ve been following me or reading my blog, you know that I take a very pivoted approach to holistic health. Today we will talk about Keeping It Real – Marriage Struggles and Autoimmunity.

I believe I’ve very well exhausted all of my alternatives in the last 21 years of living with autoimmunity. Some have worked, while others have not, and some marginally, while others not so much. But what I do want to emphasize is that whenever I discuss autoimmunity with my autoimmune patients, I really need each and every one of you, to be honest with yourself. Because auto-immunity is such an invisible disease. No matter how much pain you’re in or how much weariness you’re experiencing, no one else will be able to see it.

Stop Trying To Please Everyone

As a result, there’s a gap between what people anticipate from you and what you can deliver. Today, in particular, I’d like to speak with you about relationships, particularly personal partnerships, as well as marriage. If you have a spouse or partner, whatever you want to call them, it’s the most intimate relationship that might build resentment. And here’s the thing: many of you are in a relationship that you don’t want to end. You’re stuck in a rut. You have no idea how to solve it.

As a result, it becomes the sustaining element. For example, I come from a pretty conservative family, both culturally and otherwise. My sickness was most likely the catalyst for my marriage decision. In retrospect, I think I was looking for security at the moment. So I got married, which was probably not the best decision for me or him.

It wasn’t fair for the both of us to attempt to make it work because I was told you have to sleep in whatever bed you make. It’s even more difficult to split up a marriage when there are children involved. So I’ve always believed that sacrifice meant a lot of things in my Asian culture. I recall thinking that if I can just give up myself, my happiness, and my joy, I can live to please everyone else. And, in retrospect, I honestly believed that it was my responsibility as a slave in my own life, to be a slave to everyone else, and to strive to please everyone. 

Be Strong For Yourself

We’ve never had a particularly strong relationship. It was unbalanced, and it became pathological quickly. The majority of my relatives and friends will tell you that it was a mistake from the beginning. But I felt terribly alone. I was in a lot of pain. I could sense the struggle. Yet to the average person, everything appeared to be in order. As a result, I believe I spent a significant amount of time attempting to look at the part and act as if everything was normal.

So I can keep that secret to myself as long as no one else knows. As a Christian lady who went to church and did all the religious things at the time, trying to find some support, I realized that a lot of women felt the same way. They weren’t very honest with themselves.

I can only speak of from my own experience at the time. So don’t think I’m projecting this to the rest of the world.

However, I believed that the most judgmental people in the church were those who were pretentious. Because I was not a typical lady, I received a lot of criticism from a variety of things. I never had the opportunity to be a stay-at-home mom. That was never anything I considered to be my path. So I’ve always worked, and my mother-in-law, friends, and all of my church friends blamed me for being unwell because of my ambitions.

Focus On Your Goal

Nobody could understand why I was working at home outside. I can stay at home, be a stay-at-home mom, and be content with the money my husband earned, but that’s not what I want. In the end, that’s what he wanted as well. So I had to sacrifice my own happiness once more, yet there was always this internal fight. 

My mother who was a stay-at-home parent with little education sought to live vicariously through me. She always stated that if a woman needs to work outside the home, she must do everything. This implies that a significant amount of effort is required. As an immigrant, I have a strong sense of work ethic. Because English is genuinely my second language, my history is that I’ve always felt that I wasn’t good enough. I first came here when I was 11 years old and in fifth grade.

I was humiliated in class because of my pronunciation when I was had to read aloud, and everyone in that class made fun of me. It was all because I had thick accents and was shaking. I was so embarrassed. So I made a promise to myself that I would work double or three times as hard as anybody else to catch up to where they were. There was nothing to enjoy about it. But it wasn’t for the purpose of not being humiliated anymore or fit in. 

Take Steps To Feel Better

I’m aware that I’ll have to work much harder. The stories I was telling myself that I was broken and unworthy, became my motivation.

So I became this compulsive overachiever. These were the things that defined me because I always felt that if I didn’t do the right thing, something would catch up with me and everyone would see how unworthy I am. It is because of this that I stayed in the marriage. And I believe my ex was well aware of this. 

So there was a lot of that kind of guilt, shame, and anger, and it just became a toxic relationship. He really tried to build codependency, financially, emotionally, intellectually, and in every other way. And all I wanted was a happy marriage and to do my best. So I did my best till I couldn’t take it any longer. I share my story because I know many of you are locked in a marriage or a relationship and believe that’s the best you can do.

I’m here to advise you when you should boost yourself. When you eventually realize it for what it is, you’ll be able to peel back the layers of fear and take a serious look at who you really are. You’ll find the most struggling, the long, beautiful, courageous person on her knee, all the facade, all the stories and interpretations that the world has shaped you to be. It isn’t until you’re able to finally lift the burden off your shoulders that you begin to be free and willing to look at truly who you are on the inside. 

Ask For Help And Learn From Others

I’m not one to flaunt my flaws. I want to be in charge of everything I do, but the truth is that when you need assistance, you need assistance.

And when you’re in need of a buddy, you’re in need of a friend, and when you’re in need of help, you’re in need of help. So the first step is to always be honest about yourself. I’d like to use today’s episode to encourage you to consider who you are on the inside because many of us have given up who we truly are in order to become this thing and become indoctrinated. 

We’ve been fashioned into beings that would be accepted societally, culturally, familially, or according to whatever your expectations are. The majority of us are living in a place of unworthiness. It is this very demeaning relationship with ourselves that we must begin to elevate, to look at, to nurture, to love, and to understand so that we can finally build self-love, self-respect, and self-regarding enough. Because it is one of those things. There’s a lot of buzz around self-care these days.

There’s a lot of self-love that’s absent. But, to be honest, we don’t truly understand what it means to love ourselves completely. It’s being unashamedly ourselves without fear of being judged by others. It’s like finally admitting that I wanted to be me. And all I want is to be free and set my heart free once more. Most importantly, without having to live up to anyone’s expectations. Once you begin to do so, you begin to select yourself, all your relationships will fall where it needs to fall, and everything will be so clear.

Choose Yourself To Be Happy 

It is at this point that you may fully sense and experience your own power from within to strengthen yourself. It’s a metaphysical out-of-body experience. Then you realize that this physical auto-immune symptom you’ve been suffering from is actually the result of a deep place of lack of self-worth. 

Because I can’t tell you how many patients I treat who suffer from autoimmune diseases. They are finally able to express their true feelings verbally. There’s also a lot of rages, fear, anxiety, resentments, shame, and guilt that are riddling. As a result, they’re stuck in a hamster wheel of pretense. Some of us will take it to the grave if we don’t perform the deeper work of healing.

If you keep on pretending, you won’t even realize or choose to be in this 3d body of ours. Simply see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil, and pretend to be what you’ve gotten good at, which is genuinely not you. But you are serving everyone else snd you’re carrying an empty cup. When you have an empty cup, you will not only lack energy, but you will also lack the spark, inspiration, and motivation to be the best version of yourself. And that my friends are depriving everyone, the entire world, of the talents that you have to offer.

Believe You Can

I’m often thinking about our auto-immunity, which has been one of the most difficult aspects of my existence. Instead of thinking on the woe is me, I consider what lesson I can learn from it. Recognizing when you step into your power allows you to change your energy to create a better sensation and resonate at a higher frequency, allowing you to begin to heal yourself on a cellular level. And I believe that is the power that most of us have; but, many of you still refuse to believe it. 

I believe you want this to be true, but it’s just too good to be true. And it’s too easy because our analytical minds prefer to complicate things, invent ourselves impossible stories, and hold on to them. It’s much easier to live in this victimhood, but let me tell you, many of you are saying you want to get better, but you’re blindly living into this victimhood of “I can’t, I should, and I could” and everything else, telling yourself why you can’t do something. Specifically why you can’t heal yourself from autoimmunity, and you’re choosing that option.

Apply Knowledge Of Context

So, once again, I’m not saying you’re to blame for your autoimmune disease. That is not at all what I am implying. Please reread this blog again if that’s what you’re reading. It’s all about disregarding all of the physiological signs, cellular evidence, and serological evidence that you have real autoimmunity. I’d like you to dig a little deeper to see how quantum physics, which is quantum feeling, creates everything physical.

It’s all about quantum energy. As a result, the energy beneath you is mostly directed by your ideas and feelings, which in turn direct your actions. So I really need you to go to those things because, by default, whether you’re anxious, frustrated, guilty, ashamed, or riddled with these negative feelings every day that you wake up, they’ve become your habitual patterns. Patterns that Dr. Joseph Dispenza says, breaking the habit of being yourself.

How do you go about doing that? Well, you’ll have to sit in silence long enough to figure out who you really are? It’s an in-depth exploration. It’s the self-exploration that’s required on this path, which I believe most scientific doctors, holistic, conventional, or otherwise, don’t really talk about.

But they’re now starting to talk about it similar to Joseph Dispenza and Deepak Chopra, but it’s not yet mainstream since people don’t comprehend. But if you’re reading this blog right now, and if you’ve been following me for the past 21 years, you know that I have both the left and right brains, and I still want evidence-based information. 

Broaden Your Mind And Think Bigger 

But I’m also aware that this isn’t the whole story. We can explain something much grander than that. Unless we believe in miracles, we’ll constantly be trapped in the 3d world, which is so restricted. Because many of you are choosing to stay in that sick habit, you can’t get out of it.

Come join me if this type of treatment appeals to you. The webinar is about to begin. It’ll take place in three weeks, on August  16th and 17th, at 11:00 a.m. and 5:00 p.m., respectively. Please sign up for this link Free LIVE Workshop for Autoimmunity where I talk about differences in how you should perceive your autoimmunity and finally be able to step into your power.

Because I love keeping it real with you guys, I don’t want to just give you all the hooplas or hopes and all the things that make it look good. I really want to get down to the nitty-gritty like what is it like to live with this every day and struggle with it. Then, when you’re feeling so alone, humiliated, guilty, and overwhelmed with all of that, you can’t even talk to your friends because you think you’re crazy or don’t know what to do.

You’re not sure who you should tell. Well, in my tiny group, that’s the safe haven. I’ve established a safe sanctuary for us to come and stop being victims and start being self-empowered healers. That’s where we’re supposed to be.

Join Us

So please register for my webinar if that stimulates and inspires you. I wish to help you alter your thoughts to the best of my ability because that option is always accessible to you. 

We can choose to believe that this is curable, you and I. Nobody else has the authority to tell us otherwise. So cling on to your trust and belief. And, as I often say, it was taught to me by the best of my coaches. Consider me. Consider this episode, and listen to our podcast it’s available on iTunes and Spotify. You may also follow me on my Instagram and our website Lupus Rebel.

As a reminder that all you have to do is return to yourself. You have all the power you need. Nothing else, least of all your own physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual body can heal without you since you are layering. You are so much more than you believe. So, thank you so much for reading this blog. I’ll see you all next time; have a wonderful week. Goodbye for now!

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