I have two boys, a sixteen year old and a twelve year old who are as loving and amazing as they get. But lately I’ve been feeling strange.
Both my boys have always been super close to me. They would be mortified if I told you that they are self proclaimed mommy’s boys.
Saying this puts a wide grin on my face, but now they’re teenagers and they gang up on me when I embarrass them. I’ve become that mom that they roll their eyes at.
I used to think I was somewhat cool and I vowed to never be that parent, but apparently I am.
My older son is on track to get his drivers license by the end of this month, March 2020.
He’s a responsible, smart, and self motivated teenager. I have no bones to pick with him, but he is branching out more and more, moving away from wanting to spend time with me.
It wasn’t long ago that I used to wish that my boys would be more independent, but now I’m realizing my time with them is limited.
My False Thoughts About Being a Lupus Mom
In my early days with Lupus, I used to think I would not be a good parent because I couldn’t accompany my kids in their outdoor sports, like at soccer games, because of the risks with sun exposure.
Over time, I’ve done fine as I would have a wide brimmed hat or an umbrella.
I used to also worry that I gave them bad genes and was constantly concerned about their health. But they are the healthiest boys and they have no problems.
As a Lupus mom, I carried so much guilt and shame for no reason at all. I overcompensated for being sick when I did have flares.
But I have exceptional help all around me. And the truth is that all the fears I had of being a Lupus mom are put to rest today.
Nothing that I thought would happen happened. When I did have flares, I moved through to the other side and did just fine. My boys didn’t miss a beat and they held on strong.
The Truth of the Matter
I’m in my 40’s now and I am going through some changes that some may call a midlife crisis. I read in a psychology journal that you can shift your thoughts and call it a midlife awakening instead.
I’ve had my share of insecurities that I’ve had to work through. The only way to get over them was to move through them and accept myself exactly as I am.
I’m still working on this but I feel now I have enough insight and wisdom to understand what I can change and what I can’t change in my life.
Check Your Parenting Paradigm
Lupus is something that I can’t change. It’s a circumstance in my life that I chose to use as a teacher in my life.
The paradigm that I’ve introduced in my recent blogs is a powerful tool that allows me to move through the feelings that I feel. I learned this from life coach Brooke Castillo.
The role of the paradigm isn’t to eliminate pain. But it allows us to move through pain with awareness and maturity to properly feel the pain.
Life is a paradox and it offers us a dichotomy and polarity. We need both ends of the spectrum in life.
We need sickness to be healthy, sadness to feel happiness, hot to feel cold. If we only had one side of the equation, then we wouldn’t feel the opposite.
As for being a good Lupus mom or a bad Lupus mom, it’s not up for argument.
Being a good or bad mom is defined in my thoughts. Thoughts are something I have absolute control over.
I choose to think that I am the best mom to my kids. When I think that, I feel confident in my ability to be a good mom and I begin to make sound judgements.
The result that I create in my life, as a result of these thoughts and feelings, is that I am the best mom to my kids.
They will tell you I’m quirky sometimes but that I am the best mom.
Choose to See Lupus as a Teacher
Lupus Rebel is about being responsible and mature enough to redefine our lives with lupus.
I used to indulge in self pity in my early years with Lupus.
But now I realize I’m so much stronger, healthier, and compassionate because of Lupus. It’s a teacher that allows me to explore myself in ways I wouldn’t have otherwise.
It keeps me grounded in who I am and helps me to be the best version of myself so that I can help those of you who may need this message today.
I certainly needed a delightful message that allowed me to find hope for a better future with Lupus when I felt like my life was over.
So whether you’ve just been diagnosed or are struggling with some symptoms of flares, know that you absolutely will survive.
Stay focused on what you can do today to help your body move toward healing.
Want some help?
I hope you all found this message to be helpful.
You can also sign up for our free Lupus Healing Bootcamp where you’ll be delivered everything you need to start your healing journey, directly to your email. Click HERE to sign up.
I also offer Lupus Health Revolution, which is a year long coaching program using nutrition, movement, and mind coaching to help you live your best life with Lupus.
It’s my passion and my life’s work in one place. We only open enrollment twice a year. Enrollment is currently closed, but you can sign up to get on the waitlist HERE.
See you all next week