New Year, New You

by | Dec 30, 2020 | Lupus Blog | 0 comments

Hey everybody! I hope you all had a very Merry Christmas. I want to talk to you about the new you for the new year and really emphasize the need to really purge who you were. Many of us have such deep attachment to who we think we are. The very identity of who we believe we are keeps us bound. When we are bound in that way, I learned through my self growth and exploration, it’s almost like having a box around yourself.

That’s the box I choose to see. This box that I choose to be around provides this limited ability to do things. It limits my ability to expand my mind to the possibilities of creating something new. If you have been listening to me, you know I like to talk about how the past has already come and gone and future is promised to no one. All we have is here. That means that in this moment in time, where you’re listening to my message, here and now all we have is each other. Time is abstract. This moment leaves and it will never come back.

Our Attachment to What Was

I’ve been thinking a lot about how many of us get attached to the the way things were. So much so that we have a tendency to not be able to see what’s right here in front of us. We most certainly forget that we can create something new here and now. Our mind, the way our human brains operate, is what gets in our ways. We prefer what is familiar and what is predictable over what’s new. Our subconscious mind cannot fathom something outside what it can predict, so we like things a certain way. We like to expect a certain way.

There’s been tons of research done on this, but let me give you an example. A typical one that they’ve studied is a woman who comes from an abusive relationship who seeks out another abusive relationship. If she is in an abusive relationship, chances are she’s in that situation because she’s used to being treated that way. That means she has created and has mutually agreed to be in that abusive relationship.

We have to wonder why that is. Likely, it can be explained by things in her past, her self worth, and her relationship with herself. Self respect probably lacks a bit as well. That’s all from the conditioned beliefs, stories, and interpretations of her self identity. She believes she’s not worthy and all she knows is the beating and the abuse, whether it be physical, verbal, mental, or emotional. Abuse comes in all forms, but if it is attracted and that’s what you’re dealing with in your life, chances are that your self identity and confidence is down the pipes. The low self confidence and lack of self identity is the reason for attracting this kind of relationship again.

They found that if she left one particular relationship, this woman was highly likely to find herself in one abusive relationship after another, until it becomes a serial issue. This is true, unless she’s able to start anew and recognize that leaving is a new beginning and she is able to create something completely brand new.

How This Impacted Me

This is the topic I want to talk to you about. I’ve lost so many years thinking that I was broken. I was broken goods and not worthy of marriage, being a good friend, being a good parent, all the negative things. The stories that I told myself were that I’m going to need help and I’m going to be dependent on other people. I remember too, I got married for the security. I hate to admit it. At the time I was diagnosed with an autoimmune condition and it sounded like and felt like my life was over.

I was really, really sick. I went from the epitome of health to being so sick for over 18 months, just not knowing what I had going on. All you know is that you’re in and out of the hospital constantly and everything that you thought you knew of your life and your identity has changed. I used to be pretty confident, or so I thought, before my autoimmune condition. But when it struck me, I made it mean something so profound to me. And I own that. As if this thing that was not a part of me had made me a broken good, unworthy of anything.

When the opportunity came to be taken care of and to be married, it ended up being a very abusive, emotional relationship. Again, because I was not really respecting myself or regarding myself. I didn’t even know how to love this broken body anymore. If there’s many of you who are thinking these ways, I just want to let you know that today begins new.

Shifting Your Mindset

2020 has shown us how things can be so misconstrued and can rock our world the way we know it. The lives that you and I both knew in March pre-COVID are no longer as we look forward to 2021. That’s the truth. Every single one of you, if you have an autoimmune condition, know that life as we knew it is no longer. It’s almost as if we now have this big burden to carry. But is it a burden?

The moment I was able to pivot and change my story, perception, and interpretation of my autoimmune condition, I was able to not just feel a little better and different, but I also saw improvement incrementally. Instead of seeing it as something negative that has caused me to be broken, I began to see it as something positive and utilized it as a catalyst to be better.

I knew I needed to really transform the way I looked at myself. As we head into 2021, I want to offer up a new way of being. The opportunity is there for you to purge the old and let go of this year. My theme has been letting go. Letting go of other people’s judgments of you, other people’s opinions, drama, and anything negative. What’s most important moving forward is our relationship with ourselves. Only that can help us to dictate and cultivate a healthier relationship with the three important things in life that really matter and drive human behavior. They are, in no particular order, our wealth, our health, and our relationship with other people.

Detach From the Past in 2021

No matter what you’ve experienced in the past and what you bring forth, here and now I just want to offer up this opportunity to start new and fresh. We can detach from all of the baggage of the past, instead of carrying the backpack. It’s like you have a backpack with heavy rocks in it that you choose to drag around, killing your spine. You can purge and let go of the past and all of your ties to it and dare to create something new in 2021. Dare to really recreate yourself and the image of you. Self image and self love can be felt. Self regard and self respect can be cultivated. It must be cultivated so that you can begin new here and now.

The future is something that you and I create. I want certain things for my future, but I learned that I was working from a place of having something. Like if I only had more money, had more health, was younger, didn’t have kids, was single, etc. If only I had these things, then I would do what I need to do to have what I want. This is how most of us work.

Despite how you feel and what you believe from the past, I want to offer a new way of thinking about this. You can choose to be the person, possessing a certain characteristic, to do the thing from a place of being, rather than having. By being the person you want to be, you can have and create the life of your dreams that way. If I really truly believed I was healthy and did everything from a placed of being, then I would think about the characteristics of a healthy person. I can tell you it’s self discipline, self integrity, and a commitment to my health, not matter what. These are the characteristics I start with to be, here and now.

Focus on Being, Rather Than Doing

Be the characteristics that are required to be healthy. Then, from that place, do the things necessary to have the health and life of your dreams. Too many people, as we go forward into the new year, go from a place of doing. Their New Year’s resolution is to work out more. They want to lose weight, which means joining a gym and signing up for a diet. These are all things that you do, but you don’t realize that you have to be first.

Your identity of who you think you are needs to be in alignment with the thing that you want to be. Only then, if you’re being that person, can you align with the identity of being self integral, disciplined, and committed to going to the gym and following that diet. Do it from a place of being. By being, you can create the life of your dreams and have the health you want.

This is a deep psychological concept. The way our human brains work is not very logical. I’m sure you’ve tried to change your behavior before. Transformation and behavior changes are so hard because we’ve been so conditioned. We sort of revert back to this default network. I want you to understand that we like predictability and familiarity, even if it’s not serving us or it’s a bad habit. Drug addictions, like narcotics and opioids, for example, to get rid of the pain. That addiction is so hard because it’s so easy and we want to have any easy way out.

Embracing Discomfort

Transformation is super hard. What I’m offering to you for 2021 isn’t something that’s easy. It’s not low hanging fruit. In order for you to really deeply transform, there’s going to be some discomfort. This is because our human brain likes familiarly and what’s easy and convenient over something that’s hard that provides long-term gain. That means you really have to reprogram and be willing to go through certain changes and experience discomfort and what’s called integration anxiety.

When you’re being this new person, you can’t predict what comes next because you don’t know. It’s a new experience that you’re creating your future, not based on what you know of the past, but based on exactly what you want. You don’t know if you’re going to have it or not. That’s why we get stuck in familiarity. Even if the past wasn’t serving us and it was very abusive and negative, it’s a pattern behavior. It’s a patterned way of existing, even if it’s terrible. I want you to look around you and at your life and see what you like. If it is serving you, by all means, stay exactly where you are.

Committing to Your Vision for the Future

I know many of you are struggling to be a little better, feel a little different, do a little, and make tiny improvements. That won’t cut it with autoimmunity. We need a very deep level of transformation to occur and it must occur from the core. It needs to occur within. You have to shit your identity into being the person that you need to be. Not being as in pretending you’re being this person, but committing to certain characteristics of being this ideal image of you.

You have to be able to see and envision that new version of you in order to actually create that. Our brains work this way. It’s like if you were to tell me, from Florida, California is your destination. If you just start driving your car, without plugging in the navigation points, you’ll never even get remotely close to California. You can’t drive without a plan. Our minds are the same way.

You have to have a clear vision of exactly what you want to create in your life. Is it health, or wealth, or better relationships? What is it that you want? Most of you don’t even know, you just want symptoms to go away. That’s only marginal and incremental. It’s a little better, a little different, but I want you to want a lot more. I’m wanting 100% possible, 100% of the time.

With that, I want you to create a new 2021. If you want to work with us, please join us in our Facebook group, the Tribe of Autoimmune Health Rebels. I have elevated conversations with my rebels in there. Come join me. I hope to see you soon, let’s have the best year ever in 2021.

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